Blessed Beef

Those who have seen the recorded programs list on my DVR or have seen me in a kitchen store probably know that I am one of the many food geeks who worships upon the altar of the great foodsmith AB. Nice new website, Alton, but I miss the blog. So last weekend, thanks to my wonderful birthday gift of a food processor, I made a pilgrimage to the temple of taste: I built the Burger of The Gods. This Good Eats recipe is pretty simple: a pound of meat, a dash of salt, add fire. But the inventive part is that you start with a couple of steaks, and grind the meat yourself. The idea is that, free of handling and bits of intestine, self-ground meat is a lot safer than the ground meat you get at the store, and consequently cooking it to death is not required. And apart from cleaning the equipment afterwards, chopping up the meat in a food processor is quick and dead simple. The result: heavenly.

I’ve had other favorite burgers in the past: the ones I’d make with butter in the middle, Five Guys, the list goes on. But if one had to annoint a pope of hamburgerdom, this sandwich would get a Habemus Papam from any conclave.

Cow

There’s a raging debate on at work on the best cut of beef around here: Mortons vs. L’Auberge. This weekend I made my first long overdue trip to the one place that could possibly top either of those: Five Guys. Bacon double cheeseburger with pickels, lettuce, fried onions, ketchup and mustard, and those wonderful fries whose pedigree is prominently displayed for all to see… Yum.

What other “super” activity did I do this weekend? Oh yeah, I ignored some football game while learning as many songs as I could. Guess what? Plenty of previously unobjectionable songs really start to suck on their tenth consecutive listen.

Salt

One other observation about Ohio: fully half of my meals on my trip were the saltiest meals I’d ever eaten. Now, I am a connoisseur of salt. I like it. I have three different types of salt in my pantry. But this… this is too much. I’m not sure if this is a regional thing, or whether I just got unlucky, but it’s surprising that I didn’t undergo wholesale plasmolysis and dry up to a tiny wrinkled husk.

Meat

I love to eat a nice big chunk of juicy animal. It makes me happy. So several months ago my dad and I cooked up, so to speak, the idea of having a nice big barbeque for my family reunion this year. A father-son bonding experience, if you will, doing what men do best: roasting the hell out of some pig.

First things first: I met up with Len on Thursday night and we hit the Mellow Mushroom near Emory. As a Tech student, I was more a fan of Fellini’s, but in recent years either my tastes have changed or it has really gone downhill. MM, begun in Atlanta by GT students but now a somewhat extensive chain, serves up some damn good pies, and that’s something I’ve missed around here — the only decent pizza I’ve found in this area is the highly yuppified California Pizza Kitchen that you can get anywhere. And MM’s atmosphere is, well, interesting, what with the murals of psilocybin mushrooms dancing with Jimi Hendrix, and that guy on the right.

On Friday my dad and I got up early and began the six hour grilling process. We planned to make four pork shoulders and two beef briskets, not realizing that this would probably be enough to feed a small state. We applied a rub to all of the cuts. For the pork, we used the store-bought KC Masterpiece rub, which I have used before and like pretty well. It is a little salty, a little sweet, with a good balance between the two. (A homemade rub that I tried out from a recipe a few weeks ago was way too salty, so we played it safe and went with what we knew.) For the brisket rub, we followed the recipe in Steven Raichlen’s How To Grill. We got the fire going and set these meats up on the grills: the pork shoulders on a smoker, one of the briskets on indirect low heat on a gas grill and the other in an electric roaster. We also prepared some vinegar-based mopping sauces to baste the meats with as they cooked.

Keeping the charcoal at an even heat is quite a skill, as I learned partway through. Trying to get the temp just right, I opened the flue up some and a flareup commenced almost immediately on the pork. I rescued them at great risk to limb (many arm hairs died that day). They were scorched but the meat was still good so we decided to steam them the rest of the way by encasing them in foil with some of the mopping sauce. A couple hours later they were ready to take off the heat, and fell apart beautifully.

The briskets came out looking really good too. Briskets are really fatty but they don’t have that much internal marbling, so of the two I would say the pork was the winner, just based on cut of meat. The outer edges of the brisket hardened to a nice crisp crust that was delectable with spices of the rub. I could’ve eaten that by itself.

In all, the experience left me with an urge to replicate the process at my house sometime soon. And just typing this has made me hungry for a farm animal.

Behemoth

Last night I spent a romantic evening by myself at Giant. It is no Wegmans. Note, I have never been to Wegmans. Also I disdain the fancy grocery stores that Eloi frequent. But anyway, I noticed something odd: Giant doesn’t carry double-acting baking powder (except in Giant brand, in about a 5-year supply size). What the eff?

Why do I care? I was looking because I destroyed a batch of pancakes a few weeks ago, and among the mistakes was preparing the batter too far in advance. Baking powder is the thing that makes bubbles; it’s basically a dehydrated vinegar-and-baking soda volcano experiment. Double-acting powder adds another acid that reacts with the sodium bicarbonate at a higher temperature, so more bubbles are created when you cook it. With only single acting, it is important to cook your pancakes/biscuits/cornbread/etc as soon as possible after combining liquid and dry ingredients or else the mixture will be flat. So I may well be forced to repeat the previous kitchen disaster and it is all Giant’s fault.

Today I’m wearing a suit for the third time this year. Wearing a suit and complaining about the goods at my supermarket: is this progress?