Forms

I think it would be nice to get a contract law degree on the side, because I hate signing forms whose sole purpose is to screw me over legally. And the most dreadful of these: the waiver. I understand that these are even questionable legally, and yet I still get anxious when putting my Johnny H on the bottom of some form that says Company X has the right to do anything they would like including harvesting my organs and using my house for parties while I recuperate, whilst I am legally bound to sit there and take it. Screw that!

Recently, I had to fill out a waiver for an upcoming softball tournament. They helpfully sent it to us as a Word document for us to print out and sign. I can’t pass up such an inviting opportunity to take back some rights. Where I supposedly declared my absolution of all guilt on behalf of the organizer, I slipped in a few words that make the whole waiver rather useless to them (“unless the undersigned agrees…”). Then, just to make sure no one was reading it, I made the following additional edits:

I further understand that consumption of alcoholic beverages will be monitored and if necessary, police officers may assist in escorting any overly intoxicated individual off the premises
became:
I further understand that consumption of alcoholic beverages will be monitored and if necessary, police officers may assist in intoxicating any overly escorted individual off the premises.

And:

[the risks] include those foreseen and unforseen, known and unknown
became:
[the risks] include those foreseen and unforseen, in universes known and unknown.

Minor edits that I doubt anyone will read anyway, but it will be nice if I can compel the local police to help me get drunk.